Monthly Archives: April 2020

You Can Trust Me, I’m a Doctor: Self-Medicating and How to Know When You’ve Crossed a Line

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I’m the first person to admit I should start seeing a therapist, and don’t worry I have an appointment lined up. I’ve also taken enough psychology courses to realize some of my coping mechanisms are unhealthy.

Coping mechanisms refers to how an individual responds to a crisis or distressing situation. For example, some people make jokes in serious situations, some run from their problems, some use alcohol or drugs, some get aggressive and lash out, the list goes on. Personally, I either run away from my problems and shut myself in my room or I self-medicate.

Don’t Mind My Vices

It isn’t easy admitting my bad habits to the world, but I self-medicate by smoking marijuana when I feel anxious, Juuling, shopping, and comfort-eating. For those who don’t know, a Juul is an e-cigarette device that allows you to smoke a nicotine vapor.

Self-Medicating With The Juul, Don’t Do This

I’ve already addressed comfort-eating in a previous post, so I won’t embarrass myself by talking more about that. However, I will be discussing using marijuana and nicotine to self-medicate. Unhealthy habits and substances may be okay in moderation for anybody but how am I supposed to know when I’ve gone too far?

First, let me admit I am pro the legalization of recreational and medical marijuana, so I may be biased in that regard. Personally, I don’t see the harm in responsibly using weed to unwind with friends after work; what concerns me, is being unable to cope with anxiety without weed. This post also isn’t intended to extensively discuss the benefits of medical marijuana. However, I will be discussing the effects of marijuana use on anxiety.

Why I Self-Medicate

I indulge in any of these forms of self-medication when I’m feeling anxious and overwhelmed. Shopping and comfort eating distract me from the anxious thoughts while locking myself in my room keeps my problems out of sight out of mind. Personally, smoking weed and Juuling help me feel more relaxed and like my problems aren’t as bad as they seemed before.

On a Healthier Note, I Also Like To Workout At Planet Fitness To Cope With Anxiety, I’d Highly Recommend The Black Card Membership

That isn’t to say anybody reading this should start using an e-cig, they’re not good for you and I’m not encouraging anybody to pick up this habit, however, I have to admit my own vices. These are also social activities for me, that then helps my anxiety by getting me out of my own head and talking with others. Ultimately, they alter my perception; I perceive my stress and anxiety to be more manageable and less detrimental, it also helps me be more mindful of the current moment and not so anxious about the future.

Is My Brain Okay?

Both nicotine and marijuana have been found to alter your brain chemistry. Weed alters your brain chemistry by introducing THC into your bloodstream carried to the brain; “after consuming marijuana, many people experience a pleasant euphoria and sense of relaxation. Other common effects, which may vary dramatically among different people, include heightened sensory perception, laughter, altered perception of time, and increased appetite” (drugabuse.gov).

Anxiety.org further states, “one feature of the high association with cannabis use is a state of increased relaxation, happiness, and detachment from reality. One of the most commonly cited reasons people give for using cannabis is increased relaxation and the ability to cope with negative emotions while under its influence.”

Nicotine also is absorbed into the blood where adrenaline is released and travels to the brain; adrenaline “stimulates the central nervous system and increases blood pressure, breathing, and heart rate. It also increases dopamine, which reinforces rewarding behaviors” (drugabuse.org).

It makes sense why I use marijuana and nicotine to self-medicate, the way these substances impact the brain alleviate the negative symptoms of my anxiety and depression. However, chronic use can actually increase the symptoms of these mental illnesses. You may have heard of CBD as a treatment for anxiety, which I think of as marijuana’s more widely accepted sister.

Is CBD Worth a Shot Instead?

Harvard Health’s Blog defines CBD: “CBD stands for cannabidiol. It is the second most prevalent of the active ingredients of cannabis (marijuana). While CBD is a component of marijuana (one of hundreds), by itself it does not cause a “high.”

Basically, there are not a sufficient amount of human studies to confidently recommend CBD as a general treatment for anxiety. However, it’s more readily available than marijuana and there have been a few studies confirming CBD as a treatment for epilepsy, anxiety, insomnia, and chronic pain, just not enough to be statistically significant.

CBD Oil

That being said, it’s always recommended to talk to your doctor before trying anything to treat a mental illness. “Without sufficient high-quality evidence in human studies we can’t pinpoint effective doses, and because CBD is currently is mostly available as an unregulated supplement, it’s difficult to know exactly what you are getting. If you decide to try CBD, talk with your doctor — if for no other reason than to make sure it won’t affect other medications you are taking” (Harvard Health Blog).

Does Weed Help With Anxiety?

The short answer to that question is, weed may temporarily help with anxiety but it ultimately makes things worse.

Dr. Carol Lee wrote an article for anxiety.org explaining this concept:

“Small sample sizes and significant limitations in the research make it difficult to conclusively state the benefits of cannabis use in treating anxiety. Although, cannabis temporarily decreases anxiety, it may also maintain or exacerbate symptoms in the long run; perhaps creating a way to avoid experiencing the anxiety fully. The result? Individuals may not learn that they can cope with and manage their anxiety without cannabis.”

Taking A Bath Is A Great Alternative to Self-Medicating

Dr. Lee mentions one of my primary concerns, being unable to cope with anxiety without my habits of self-medication, or cannabis and nicotine. From the research I did for this post, I think I’d benefit from consulting a doctor and therapist about my habits.

All of this being said and as far as I’ve noticed, my self-medicating hasn’t caused any real negative effects on my daily life, yet. But I would like to get ahead of these habits and learn some healthier coping mechanisms before they do impact my well-being.

When is self-medicating okay? Basically, it isn’t recommended, go to therapy and see a doctor instead.

My Life’s a Mess But My Room’s Clean! How Does Your Environment Impact Stress Levels?

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Sometimes my room turns into a depression room. I call it a depression room because I find myself too mentally exhausted to clean anything.

I’ll be surrounded by mountains of laundry, dirty dishes, food wrappers, garbage, and late homework assignments. Frankly, it’s pretty gross.

This is the spare room in my apartment. In other words, this is a depression room that’s constantly out of hand and way easier for me to close the door and ignore.

Then I feel even worse mentally because of how gross and disorganized my living space is. It’s a vicious cycle of negative self-talk and a cluttered environment that can be extremely difficult to break.

Other times, I avoid my depression and procrastinate all my responsibilities by cleaning, or stress clean.

All of my responsibilities will be piling up around me and all I can manage to do is clean my room. I convince myself that since I’m being productive and getting chores done, then it’s okay to procrastinate more important things that actually have deadlines, like homework and my internship assignments.

Personally, my makeup desk is one place in my room that I can’t seem to keep decluttered

Am I Clean and Organized or Do I Have a Control Problem?

Good Housekeeping’s article, “How Spring Cleaning Can Help Manage Stress, According to Psychologists,” mentions cleaning as a way to cope with feeling out of control, overwhelmed or anxious. “We want to be able to do something when we get anxious, and what we really want is to be in control and take action,” says Alicia H. Clark, Psy.D, “While there are times we have to accept some situations in life, we do not have to accept an untidy home.”

This made a lot of sense to me. The cleanliness of my apartment is the easiest for me to control and requires the least amount of mental exercise. I like that I don’t have to think about what I’m doing; I can focus on getting pasta sauce and crusty eggs off of a plate instead of the four chapters of criminal justice I need to read. Cleaning can be a sort of mental break at times. While I don’t prefer to live in a mess, it’s always satisfying to see my apartment transform.

Some Tips and Tricks

While the cleanliness of my apartment is a pretty accurate representation of my mental state, a clean apartment isn’t a bad thing. Over time, I’ve found some things that have helped me stay organized and may be helpful to others:

  • If you have roommates, it’s helpful to discuss a cleaning schedule or system for the house. My roommates and I all just help each other clean as we go. For example, if the kitchens dirty we all help clean it at once.
  • Keep weekly to-do lists in your planner (see photo); I like to have one to-do list of cleaning tasks I need to get done that week and one list of miscellaneous chores I need to get done. It’s helpful to see these tasks in my planner where all my assignments and due dates are located so I can decide when to do each task.
  • Actually put your laundry in the laundry basket. It sounds really simple and easy but somehow I forget all the time and constantly have laundry all over the house.
  •  Wipe counters daily; this also sounds simple but a clean counter makes a whole space look ten times cleaner and it takes about 45 seconds to do.
  • Try the Marie Kondo method, I’d highly suggest watching her show Tidying Up on Netflix for inspiration and helpful tips. She’s an organization expert and gives helpful advice without being condescending. Check her out on social media @MarieKondo on Twitter and @mariekondo on Instagram or on her website!

 

Ultimately, everyone copes with mental illness differently and also cleans their homes differently, so some trial and error may be necessary to find what works best for you.

Personally, while I do need to work on prioritizing, there are mental health benefits to cleaning.

Declutter Your Mental Space

Growing up, I didn’t understand why my mom was so strict about deep cleaning the house every Sunday night. Now that I have my own apartment and responsibilities, I can’t imagine starting the workweek with a messy space.

I’ve found that if I start my day in a cluttered space, my mind also feels cluttered the rest of the day. If I don’t clean my apartment before work or class, I’ll stress myself out and that will be all I’ll think about all day. Rush University’s Medical Center refers to this as disrupted concentration.

A cluttered environment impacts your ability to focus; “A 2011 study published in The Journal of Neuroscience mapped the brain’s response to clutter and found that it can limit the brain’s processing capacity. When we’re surrounded by stuff, we’re much more distractible and less able to focus” (The Health Benefits of Cleaning).

Decluttering is also good for your health by nature because you’re getting rid of dust bunnies, which have their own health issues associated with them.

UW Medicine’s Right as Rain  compares clutter in your home to visual static. Radio and TV static makes it hard to concentrate on a show or song like clutter in your home makes it hard to relax or focus. Check out the article (see Right as Rain link), “Is Decluttering the Secret to Less Stress and Better Mental Health?” by Kristen Domonell for more information about clutter and mental health.

At least someone isn’t bothered by the clutter

Just Try Your Best

The most import thing I took away from my research on cleaning and mental health is that everyone should take 10-15 minutes a day to declutter their space. Doing this will minimize stress and anxiety while making you feel more equipped to manage your responsibilities. Dr. Alicia H. Clark explains, “since there are other concerns occupying your mental state, you cannot tolerate disorder/clutter because you need tolerance for what is going on with the bigger issues in your life.”

As difficult as it can feel some days, try and clean up a little bit each day. It’s always easier to do the dishes for one meal at a time versus letting them pile up for a few days, then deep cleaning it all at once.

It can be helpful to reach out to friends if you relate to this post at all. In my experience, friends that also experience anxiety and depression can be particularly helpful. They tend to understand what you’re going through and can offer support. Check on your friends!

As my peers reviewed this post prior to what you’re reading, I realized something else worth noting. I’m not alone in this habit. Stress cleaning, and stress not-cleaning, are common coping mechanisms for anxiety and depression.

My Paper’s Due, But It’s Happy Hour- Managing FOMO

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FOMO stands for “fear of missing out.” This is something I feel almost every Friday and Saturday night when I see my Snapchat friends taking shots, dancing, and looking like they’re having a great time. In all honesty, I’m not a big fan of St. Cloud’s downtown bar scene or house parties. I’ve gone to enough house parties to know I usually have a better time staying home and chilling with two or three friends.

I also know how easy it is to make the bar and parties look way more fun than they are on Snapchat, I’m guilty of it myself.

The above video depicts a fun, care free night with friends. In reality, the two roommates pictured and I got into a screaming match, all ended up crying and didn’t speak to each other for a week.

Even knowing all of this, I can’t help but feel like I’m missing out on something, or that the next night might be different, or that people will think I’m lame and antisocial if I don’t go out. On the other hand, my roommate, Madi, doesn’t feel this way at all. Some nights, my FOMO gets the best of me and I force myself to go Downtown and socialize while Madi says, “No, I’ll go out when I wanna go out.” She never feels like she’s missing out and refuses to make herself feel guilty for not wanting to go Downtown.

I asked Madi what she does to avoid FOMO and she said, “I just know it (going Downtown) sucks every time. I used to think Downtown would be more fun than house parties, then I turned 21 and went out a few times and it still wasn’t fun. So, I know I’m not missing anything and don’t feel bad about it.” While that may work for Madi, it doesn’t work for me so I need to know some other ways that I can manage my FOMO.

College Magazine provides a list of 10 Reasons You Shouldn’t Feel FOMO in College:

1. REMEMBER HOW GROSS PARTIES REALLY GET

a. let’s not forget that parties are usually sweaty, sticky, and too loud to hear yourself think.

2. THINK ABOUT THE HANGOVER YOU’RE AVOIDING

a. Even though I’m only 21, my hangovers are so debilitating I can’t -or won’t- get out of bed for at least three days (see video below).

3. DO SOMETHING YOU ACTUALLY WANT TO DO

a. I like to spend my weekends binge watching Netflix or YouTube videos., shopping, having wine nights, or cooking with my roommates.

One Weekend We Made Pancake and Sausage Muffins

4. HANG OUT WITH A FRIEND

5. TREAT YOURSELF

a. Take the weekend to indulge in some much needed self-care. Reward yourself with some relaxation after a week of class, studying, and work.

6. GET INVOLVED WITH “CHEM/Substance-FREE” CLUBS

a. Substance-free clubs are clubs dedicated to providing alternative activities and events, other than drinking, on weekends for students. Even if you don’t want to join a substance-free club, find a club on campus that holds weekend events that interest you. Take this time to explore a new hobby and get involved on campus.

7. AVOID SOCIAL MEDIA

8. CHANGE YOUR HABITS

a. Try and switch up your routine on the weekend. For example, if you usually have a movie night on Saturdays, try going bowling or having a bonfire. Doing the same thing every weekend gets boring for anybody.

9. DO SOMETHING THAT MAKES YOU HAPPY

a. If you know going Downtown and drinking won’t make you happy, then don’t do it. Be realistic with yourself and only do the things you want to do.

10. PRACTICE GRATITUDE

This night, I conquered my FOMO and spent the night at a movie with two friends rather than forcing myself to go Downtown.

I was diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder my freshman year of college. A symptom of my anxiety is constantly worrying and stressing about the unknown and everything I think I “should” be doing; for example, if I have a weekend off of work, I convince myself that I’m lazy and a loser if I don’t use that free time to go Downtown with everyone else.

I tend to feel extremely guilty, to the point of self-isolation, if I don’t fulfill these perceived social responsibilities.

It’s been found that. “a number of anxiety disorders, such as social anxiety disorder and separation anxiety disorder, include dimensions of worry related to what others are doing while out of one’s presence.” (Sleep In the Social World of College Students). This explains the connection or vicious cycle between my anxious feelings and behaviors surrounding FOMO, or worrying about what I’m missing.

This Weekend I Conquered FOMO By Going To The Lake For a Social Media-Cleanse

That same article states, “FOMO may tend to emerge more readily among a subset of students who have low levels of life satisfaction, self-competence, autonomy, or connection to others, and/or low mood, and/or it may [stem from] interactions or experiences that promote social comparison, such as the use of social media,” as other possible causes of FOMO. One way to combat this is improving sleep habits. Going to sleep earlier and avoiding your phone before bed are two ways to do this.

 

There are links between FOMO and anxiety disorders, but they aren’t the only cause.

FOMO can impact anyone and is often worsened by social media. With social media, we’re constantly aware of where everyone is and how much fun it is there.

The grass always seems greener, especially when Snapchat and Instagram filters are used. In the article, “Sleep in the Social World of College Students: Bridging Interpersonal Stress and Fear of Missing Out with Mental Health by Sue K. Adams, Karla K. Murdock, Meada Daly-Cano and Meredith Rose,” FOMO is described as, “an individual’s all-consuming sense that others are engaging in rewarding experiences in their absence” (2020).

The key word here is, ‘all-consuming.’ I thought this was worth noting because sometimes when my FOMO feels especially strong, it also ruins my night at home. It can be difficult to get past feeling excluded– often times it leaves me feeling emotionally overwhelmed, tired, guilty, and inadequate.

Due to this, a social media-cleanse or just turning your phone off for the night can be a great way to cope with FOMO.

This Night I Forced Myself To Go Out and Ended Up With A Broken Heel and Crying

“Out of sight, out of mind” is a helpful mindset for combating FOMO; muting Instagram and Snapchat stories for the weekend is one way to avoid seeing what you may be missing and allows you to focus on yourself or friends in front of you.

 

It’s also helpful to remind yourself that social media is everyone’s highlight real, no one is advertising the moments they feel inadequate or overwhelmed on Instagram.