As part of #Dear Daughter we intend to post information on Facebook, Instagram, and TikTok about Gender Equality.
Monthly Archives: November 2020
This Could Never Happen to Me: Part 1
The year was 2000, I was young and had two small kids, and I thought that the world was moving in a direction where marginalized people were gaining momentum. The LGBTQ+ community was coming out and telling their stories after talk-show host Ellen DeGeneres came out a few years earlier. Famous women of color were entertaining the world and at the same time they were telling us their stories. Women were creating their stories as they attended college, took over the work force, and still managed their households and took care of their kids. We survived Y2K, we had a president I believed in (Bill Clinton), and I started a full-time position in local city government.
For me working at the city was like stepping back in time. At first I could not put my finger on it, but I started to notice that it was mostly men in city hall who had the offices that surrounded the outside of the building and they had windows to the outside. In the middle of the building was an area of cubicles where most of the women worked in a window-less environment. The two men who also worked in the cubicles spent most of the day outside smoking or in the break room drinking coffee while the women were working, answering the phones, and helping people who came into city hall. I worked there for about a month when the city administrator asked me to make a pot of coffee and bring it in to the meeting. I didn’t even drink coffee. I had no idea how to make it. I couldn’t hide my shame and disappointment of being asked to do this. In the back of my mind all I could think was, is this why I went to college? Is this why I spent nearly four years in Europe broadening my horizons? This may seem very inconsequential in the big scheme of life and work but it was a turning point for me. The worst part was that the two men I worked with knew very well how to make coffee since they drank it non-stop, but they would have never been asked to make it and serve it to a board meeting full of men.
I worked for the building inspector, who I admired; however, his office was a mess. Although he did not ask me nor expect me to, I ended up tidying his office weekly. He was often at inspections and I would have to help contractors with their licenses or building plans and if his office was unorganized, neither he nor I could find what we needed and we wouldn’t be able to help the contractors. Once I cleaned his office, I couldn’t take it back. Regardless whether it became expected or not, I felt I needed to do it in order to do my job.
My value and worth as an employee was based on doing these sorts of jobs around the office that no one should be expected to do in a professional government setting. Some days I had to ask myself if I was being unreasonable because my coworkers acted like it was normal. I struggled one moment thinking that I should just do it and not think about it and then the next moment putting my foot down. The women who worked with me were super nice and we became good friends and although they were sympathetic to my situation they had worked there longer and they were at a point where they were happy it wasn’t them performing these household sorts of tasks while at work. Plus, in time I learned that they experienced their share of oppression throughout their years at the city.
I continued to do these tasks for months. I thought the atmosphere at city hall was oppressive for women. I didn’t feel good about it and I felt helpless in trying to make my situation better. It wasn’t until months later when I attended my first union meeting that I realized the discrimination was much worse than I could ever imagine. (To be continued in Part 2)
We posted a brief video about this claim on TikTok and Instagram.
Being a Woman. Personal narrative
I remember two times in my life when I felt insulted by people’s comments related to me being a woman. The first incident took place in one of the classes back in my home country when I was pursuing my B.A. in teaching. Once I was giving a presentation to my groupmates, and a few times I stumbled over my words and said something incorrectly. My attempt to apologize to my groupmates was disrupted by the teacher who said that I was free to make any mistakes since I was a pretty woman with a nice voice and good manners. Saying that I was shocked to hear such a remark would be an understatement. I was angry. Frustrated. Furious. Because what I heard was that no one cared if I had any intelligence – it was all about my appearance. Another comment that I heard from a different person was related to taking up a job with an X the size of the salary mount salary which, according to him, would be fair enough for a woman. What the person meant was probably that there was a limit that a woman should never exceed when it comes to a career.
Does it sound familiar? Do you think it’s all fair?
For a while, I used to think it is. And unfortunately, many women from all over the world still have an assumption that they are what people might call “a weaker sex.” What can we do about it? Maybe…at least stop being silent and start talking about it? Even though it seems impossible to immediately solve the issue of women’s oppression and underrepresentation, I do believe people ought to be aware of such a problem because it is global.
Kseniia. Intro
My name is Kseniia, and I am a graduate student at St. Cloud State University. My passion for writing and sharing my stories led me to the program of Rhetoric and Writing, and here I am – a hopeless dreamer and aspiring storyteller. I am obsessed with fancy notebooks, planners, colorful crayons, and other stationeries that help me to turn writing and note-taking into a creative process. I also can’t imagine my life without trinkets, music, and hot green tea.
I am taking part in the “Dear Daughter” project because I believe that sometimes stories can change the world, especially if these stories are about something people don’t often discuss.
Let the conversation begin
You might have heard about gender bias, but have you ever experienced it? How many times have you heard how a woman should behave, what salary she deserves, or how many kids she is supposed to have? If some of this sounds familiar to you, we welcome you to read our blog.
If you struggle to recall any of these remarks, you probably have pushed these thoughts to the back of your head because they happen often. Also, it’s a “price” of being a woman as some people will say. Just be aware that there are many women who hear remarks like the ones we mentioned above daily and experience unnecessary pressure due to the traditional gender roles that are still rooted in people’s minds.
To contribute to the ongoing struggle with gender inequality, we invite you to join the conversation about the issues related to the oppression of women and our journey to achieve gender equity. In our blog, we will talk about and explore some of the issues that women of all ages should be aware of: gender equity in regard to pay, sexual discrimination, protecting reproductive rights, and managing the mental load that women carry. It is never too early to learn about gender equity. We invite everyone who supports women to listen to others and to tell their own stories.
We can break this silence. Let’s get together and talk about what is happening to women in 2020. Let’s just talk.
Ageism
After watching an episode of Blackish it got me thinking of the age-old stigma of older women dating younger men, and how we all think it is disgusting because she could be his mother. That we do not find it disgusting for an older man to be dating younger women. Older man is called a Manthers which are male cougars, have been introduced by to us in all forms of media. We are used to old men shacking up with younger women and we see nothing wrong with it. Look at Michael Douglas and his wife Catherine Zeta-Jones who is twenty-five years younger than him. Nobody bats an eye about that because it is the “norm” to have a younger woman date a much older guy. Take a look at Nick Jonas from the band Jonas Brothers. He marries Priyanka Chopra, a woman ten years older than him. Everybody freaks out, but why? I have some ideas,
Idea number one, society wants women to make babies when we’re young. It is what makes a woman a woman to produce off spring.Years ago, women had more kids, because some died of disease or health defects and some babies never got a names until they reached the age of two. Some women died giving due to the lack of health care in those days. Their husband remarried younger women to produce more offspring until they had a son, to take over the land. I think it is because women have a biological clock and can make babies for X amount of time. Women’s eggs are fertile when they are young. Meanwhile most men can make babies up until the day they die. So, if an older man hooks up with a younger woman, she can produce babies for him. It does not work the other way around depending on the age of the woman and if she is fertile. Some men will leave you for another woman, if a woman cannot make them babies. T.V always depicts this issue in its story line.
Idea number two, Societal expectations, older men are supposed to be the bread winner making money while having a stable career. That is beyond his female counterpart.He is supposed to be successful, in media he depict as this womanizer or workaholic, who gets the younger women. People see the younger women in his life as partners not toys.They call him lucky for scoring somebody so beautiful and young. When the roles are switch the older woman has the stable career making money. She is seen “as a bitch not a baller” as Taylor Swift said in her song The Man. Society does not like seeing older woman being successful, which is why is media she is depicting as the cranky boss, who cannot get a boyfriend at her “age”. Also, people see the younger men in her life not as her partners but as being her toys. They wonder if she can date somebody her own age. While the older man can date whoever he wants.
All of this is a magical thing called ageism which is a prejudice against someone age. That mostly attack women because we are supposed to stay this magical butterfly forever, we cannot get old, ever, and we have to act our age compared to our male counter parts.
Introductions
Hello my name is Zaya Moreno. I am a writer/college student living in central Minnesota. I have a cactus named Inter, a succulent named Leafy, and a significant other, Roman who eats all the snacks in the house because, we are home all the time now. Coffee is my best friend and only friend because of the pandemic. I now spend more time in my office doing schoolwork without any social interaction besides Roman from the outside. Sometime I do not see him at all even though we are only nine feet away from each other. I am currently not okay at all. My sleep has suffered as well as my mental capacity, but the yearn to call things out during this unpresidential time is still there even if my left eye gets lazy. I am 82% here, I think.