To be honest with you. I feel like a brick has hit me in the face and that I am slowly drowning because I have bills to pay, I have homework to do, I have cleaning to do, and many more things to do before this year ends. I am not going to tell you any of this. I will lie to you and myself. I will say “I am doing swell” and I will asked you “How are you doing?” It is just an endless cycle of lies we tell each other. Until we meet again and do the same.

This year is different and harder from all the other years before. Every since the pandemic happened I opened the bottle that held my emotion and let the liquid pour out. I was tired of keeping it together, because every time I read the news xx amount of people died. I got scared because that was somebody’s love one, who croaked. Every time I looked at my bank account I was worried because how was I going to pay for groceries or rent if I did not get that six hundred dollars a week. How were businesses supposed to stay afloat if nobody had any money to spend?

I remember when this pandemic started I had my first break down going home after we to the grocery store, because I could not breath through my P100 mask and I thought to myself “Is this the new normal? Will I have to wear my mask every where for the next two years?” Stream of tears came out of nowhere. I dropped the bag of groceries on the cement side walk and just cried for a solid four minutes. That day was rough for me but lucky for me. My favorite person comforted me and let me eat ice cream for dinner because ice cream makes me happy.

After that break down on a side walk in public. I told myself I will be honest about my feelings because everybody feels the same now and I won’t get shame for feeling gloomy on a sunny day. 2020 has done us all wrong. I hope the end of year will be better than the beginning.