This Could Never Happen to Me: Part 3

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After we got the results of the comparable worth study in April 2001, two female coworkers and I realized how much we were being underpaid compared to our male coworkers. I myself was being paid 34.4% below the predicted pay level for my position. We tried to work with the city and with the union (two of us were in the union), and we had no luck. In fact, they gave four foremen merit raises instead, which were outside of the union contract. It was crushing to us. The city administrator seemed to be on our sides but he was also on the chopping block as he was new in his position and the city council did not like him.

So, we filed claims of sexual discrimination based on pay against the city and the union with the department of Human Rights and they found probable cause over a year later in October of 2003. All three of us had different situations since the two other women had worked at the city much longer than me and one of them was wrongfully dismissed from her position in retaliation of the filing the claims. By this time, I moved on to another job. Once we filed the claims in the fall of 2001 I knew I did not want to stay in such a toxic environment. My husband worked active duty for the MN National Guard and his position was very demanding plus we had two small kids at home.

The three of us hired an attorney who was wonderful. She was an older woman who was very stern and kind of bull-dog like but she helped us through a trying time. First we had a mediation with the city. By now there was a new city administrator because the previous one was fired. The new administrator was our colleague who worked in community development, which was awkward for us. During mediation we went back and forth with our attorney and the city’s to come to an agreement. During that time, we had to tell and retell our stories. Since I had moved on, the story telling was not as painful for me. One woman was still working there and the other was unemployed from being wrongfully dismissed and the pain they carried was incredible.

Fortunately, we prevailed with the city and because they settled with us, the union did not have to pay anything to the two of us who were in union. Our attorney took pity on us because it was such a sad and long-drawn out case that she only charged 10% of our settlements, which was generous since the fee is usually 35%. Since this was before the real dawning of the internet, and we were public employees, it was covered extensively in the local newspaper. The newspaper was online but most people still had it delivered and many would comment on the articles online. We endured so many comments about wanting to get paid as much as men. I was shocked then, and now I have grown weary of knowing it is just a reality. I got hate mail from anonymous people and I featured an example in my last blog. Our fellow union brothers told us that we didn’t need to be paid the same because we were married and we weren’t the bread-winners. It was just unbelievable.

One woman stayed working there for a number of years before filing another claim and prevailing. Part of her settlement was quitting her position. I found it hard to get support from hardly anyone except my husband. When friends and family heard about the claim, they were not that supportive even though I prevailed. At times I felt guilty of being greedy but I know deep down that is not the case. The other woman went on to have a successful career. We are still all friends today. Our experience made our bond stronger. I think there are a lot of women out there who are not getting the pay they deserve and they will never stand up for themselves because of the treatment they might receive. I think their stories about how earning less money for most of their careers and lives should be told and how it affected their ability to provide for their families.

I have provided a copy of the settlement below. Also, please visit Instagram or TikTok for a brief video highlighting this case.

Settlements: City to Pay $133,145

“What did not happen”

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Speaking about relationship and dating, how many times did you ask yourself “what if?” What if we were just friends? What if we didn’t break up? What if I told him/her what I really felt on that moment?  This question turned to be a good writing prompt for me and made me write this story about one of my relationships that I had a long time ago. No real names, no concrete dates, just a story. 

What did not happen to me?

I used to believe that one day we would get married. Because people said we were the perfect couple. We were both blond, tall, full of ambition and crazy about each other. Too crazy I would say. Overall, we dated for about two years. I was the most welcome guest in his family, so was he in mine.  Him and my mom became the bests friends which sometimes drove me mad. Everyone, including me, was sure we would get married. But we did not.

Scenario 1

The proposal, marriage, and “goodbye master’s degree”

If I had not broken up with him, sooner or later he would have proposed me. He would have done it before my graduation from university, to make sure I was not going to apply for any M.A. programs. Otherwise, I would not have been able to dedicate myself to family, to become a good and caring wife. If I had agreed on that, I would have given up this “crazy idea” of continuing my education. I would also have limited my communication with my best friends because they had a “bad influence on me and took too much of my time.” Of course, we would have invited them to our wedding, but shortly I would have stopped going out with them. I would not have sung with my girls in karaoke anymore. No bars. No drinks. No stupid jokes. No friends. Even if I did so, I would have always invited my husband to join us. Because that is how it is supposed to be – always together. Anytime and anywhere.

Scenario 2

Moving away from home

While XX and I were dating, he had a job offer from some petroleum company. If he had accepted it, we would have moved to the Russian High North. His father would have found a place for me in the same company. I would have been a written translator, working in the office from 8 a.m. to 5 p.m. Monday-Friday. I would have earned about $460 a month, a salary (“fair enough for a woman,” right?) Anyway, my husband would have got much more than I did, and I should not have been worried about money at all.

I would have called my parents sometimes and tried to keep back tears not to make them feel worried. My husband would have soothed me and promised me that we would come to my hometown one day. Together. I would not have gone without him anywhere.

I might have called his parents too. His dad would have asked me if XX treated me well. If I had said no, he would have given my husband a good kick in the ass, explaining to his son that the world had been not spinning around him. That he had to be responsible for his wife and care of me as much as I cared for him. They would have had some arguments but finally, it would have been fine. Everything would have been fine. Except for me.

Scenario 3

Kids

In a few years, we would have had children because everything should be done in time. The kids would have had blond hair just like their parents did. They would have had the short temper of their father or saintly patience of their mother. I would have started hating my life, dreaming to escape the prison I was trapped in, but it would have been too late.

One day I would have had a nervous breakdown. After some stormy arguments and numerous negotiations, we would have finally got divorced. Then I would have had to start my life from the very beginning.

Eventually…

None of these happened. That story would have been continuing for years if XX had not left me for a one-month business trip in 20YY. It would have been continuing if one day I hadn’t heard him yelling at me over the phone for…not checking the phone frequently enough and not missing him enough. Once I realized how much better I felt without that person, everything was over.

Does any of these sounds familiar to you? How often do you think women might be stuck in abusive relationship? How often do you think they choose to end it?

 

 

Women in History

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How many historical female figures can you remember? Who were they? And how did you know about them?

If you google “women in history” or “women that changed the world” you will likely come across the names like Marie Curie, Margaret Thatcher, Cleopatra, Marylyn Monroe, Frida Kahlo, and Diana, the Princess of Wales among others. Most of us are likely to recognize their images and tell how each of those women marked places for themselves in the history books. What about others? What about women who were no less talented than those mentioned above, but eventually less promoted?

When I googled “women in history,” I came across a lot of names I haven’t heard of before. Among them there are the following:

  1. Florence Nightingale (1820-1910) “a British nurse, social reformer and statistician best known as the founder of modern nursing” 
  2. Marie Stopes (1880–1958) “advocate of birth control and sex educator”
  3. Elizabeth Fry (1780-1845) “philanthropist and one of the chief promoters of prison reform in Europe”  

…and many others.

As I read about them, I realized how little I knew about female figures in history. It is strange to think that everything we know about women might be just the tip of the iceberg, imagining how many talented women were muted throughout the years of history. Nevertheless, I am glad to know the times are changing, and we can at least unfold the history of the pages that once were hidden.

Sources:

“100 Women Who Changed the World.” HistoryExtra, 18 June 2020, www.historyextra.com/100-women/100-women-results/.

History.com Editors. “Florence Nightingale.” History.com, A&E Television Networks, 9 Nov. 2009, www.history.com/topics/womens-history/florence-nightingale-1.

“Elizabeth Fry.” Encyclopædia Britannica, Encyclopædia Britannica, Inc., 8 Oct. 2020, www.britannica.com/biography/Elizabeth-Fry

“Florence Nightingale.” Wikipedia, Wikimedia Foundation, 11 Nov. 2020, en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Florence_Nightingale.

Falcon-Lang, Howard. “The Secret Life of Dr Marie Stopes.” BBC News, BBC, 23 Aug. 2010, www.bbc.com/news/science-environment-11040319.

Gender Pay Gap

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After watching this video from Vox I learned why women are paid less then men. Because when women become a mom. She is the primary care giver of her babies in society eyes. This means she is the one who has to take time off of work to take Timmy to the doctor. She is the one who has to get the kids up in the morning and arrives late to the office. When a man becomes a dad. He is the sole bread winner in society eyes. This means he stays late at the office finishing paper work even though he missed Timmy soccer game and Timmy is bummed out. Dads are not expected to take on the care giving role in society eyes because it is a “womens” job to do all the work. I think its is better for you to watch the video instead of me trying to describe it.

The Video from Vox is down below. Here are some questions to keep in mind.

Why isn’t there a womens discount? If women makes less money than men?

Is care giving a womens job?

What are your thoughts about working mom and stay at home moms?

How do you feel about Ice Land paid leave for moms and dads?

 

The Beginning of #Dear Daughter

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I have a daughter, Molly, and I want the world to be a place where she is treated like a human being and not devalued because she is female. During the early months of the pandemic, we were cleaning out our basement and I found a box of documents and evidence from a claim I filed against local city government and my union, and I shared it with Molly and I told her what happened. Some of the hate mail I received is above. I need to keep telling my story and so do other women. My #Dear Daughter journey started with Molly that day and I will continue to share with her and other daughters the inequalities I have endured in an effort to imagine their future lives with equity and inclusion.

The first goal is to make connections with women and their allies who are working toward equality and to have conversations. Because of the pandemic and the advantage of the internet, these conversations can take place online through social media platforms. In the conversations women will discover what they have in common, what is different, and what other experiences women are undergoing. Women all over the world are experiencing the pressures of the pandemic whether they are single, married, or if they have kids or not. Gender inequality spans into other marginalized groups of LGBTQ+ and women of color. Inequality may look different for certain groups of women but the struggle for and the goal to achieve equality will be the same. Working toward equality will create solidarity for women, and women will discover they have more in common than they think.

The next objective is for women, guardians, and allies to make #Dear Daughter connections with girls ages 10 to 20 to talk to them about a world that is better for women so that we can realize a better world for all. For women to bring the #Dear Daughter dimension to life they need to talk about imagining gender equality to each other as well as with allies and girls. Talking about issues regarding pay gaps, education, helping women start and sustain small businesses, and empowering women in today’s world should belong to everyone not just women and the conversations should start with girls. Gender equality will be achieved by encouraging men to share the care work, empowering girls to speak out, and stopping the body shaming.

Allies of gender equality are important for imagining the success of the #Dear Daughter movement and mission of inclusion and equity. The term daughter is intended to be imagined in the broadest sense as the mentors will vary from grandmas to neighbors to anyone who feels connected to the movement to improve gender equality. The purpose of planning a social media campaign that will propose ideas that are dynamic and work in the pandemic environment we are living in is to empower women and bring light to gender inequality. Our real world has been redefined and working with women, their allies, and guardians the social media campaign #Dear Daughter will reach out to girls to mentor and empower them in age-appropriate mediums.

In order for the movement to thrive, natural leaders will be identified to continue and carry on the #Dear Daughter messages and stories to the next generation. The long-term goal will be to incorporate more men into the movement to imagine equality for all. Men have the ability to be the greatest allies when the movement can successfully integrate them into the project to realize equality for all. We posted a brief video on this claim on TikTok and Instagram.

Please stay tuned to our blog and Facebook because we have a Men’s Panel on Gender Equity scheduled for Thursday, November 19, and we will post a video of that panel discussion.

Mental Load: A Day in the Life of a Woman in the Pandemic

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This is a true story about my Veteran’s Day 2020 and the Mental Load I experienced, which I posted about on Facebook. We also post videos and stories about gender equality including mental load on TikTok and Instagram.

Feminism

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When you hear the word feminism? What do you image? What do you think? Do you imagine a butch woman with a buzz cut, wearing a flannel, combat boots, and cargo short? Do you think that all feminist are man haters? Yelling at men “We do not need you” as they stomp on him and steal his job. What you just imagine, and thought is wrong. Feminism is defined as the advocacy of women’s rights on the basis of the equality of the sexes. Basically, we want to be equal to men and be treated as a human being. This mean we want to get pay the same as men. What does a feminist look like? A feminist could look feminine, masculine, flamboyant, androgyny, and more. Also, too a feminist could look like me or you. It is sad when people think feminist, they think angry Butch women. I am just trying to get the same opportunities as man would. Sometimes I like wearing pants or a dress. It also breaks my small little heart when I hear woman say they are not feminist because people give it bad name.

Lets review, a feminist is a person who wants woman to have the same opportunities as men do. A feminist is not a manhater with a flannel shirt on. A feminist is you.

Imgur. “I Need Feminism Because…” Imgur, imgur.com/gallery/3Ifns.

This Could Never Happen to Me: Part 2

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I attended my first union meeting a few months after I started my position. The union meetings were held in the Public Works building where most of the men in the union worked. The only two women—I was one of them—who were in the union worked in City Hall. Upon entering the building, there were men gathered around a table drinking beer. Mind you, this was a city government building and drinking alcohol is illegal. No one greeted me or welcomed me so I sat down and was fortunately joined by the only other woman in the union. We had no chance of running for any of the union officer positions because we would not be elected over any of the men in the union.

The most vivid memory I have of my first meeting was sitting across the table from a man who was wearing a t-shirt that said “free mustache rides” with no shame. I considered myself a worldly person and open-minded but I will never understand why he decided to wear that t-shirt to a union meeting. Between the beer-drinking and the t-shirt, I felt intimidated right from the start.

Although I no longer remember the business at hand at that meeting, the union went on throughout my 18-months of employment to undermine all my proposals and the proposals of the other woman in the union. The city underwent a comparable worth study from an outside firm and the study showed that both of us, plus a non-union woman, were not earning what we should be, especially in comparison to male union members. The union denied me vacation time during my first year of employment although they granted two other new male employees vacation time during their first year of employment. When I got a copy of the union contract I realized that I was hired at $1.54 less than what the minimum amount was supposed to be for my position. It took me six months to convince the union and the city to even consider adjusting this discrepancy that was clearly spelled out in the contract.

I am a supporter of unions. I have been a union member for several of my jobs throughout the years, and currently I work for a union and I am in a union. Unions are there for worker’s rights and I could not for the life of me figure out what was going on. The big difference in this union was the male to female ratio. When we asked for equal pay we were told outright that we did not need to earn as much as a man because we were married and our husbands were the bread-winners. I mean, seriously, what year, what decade was this? It was 2001! It was years later that I heard the term “gaslighting” and I knew right away that was what I experienced in this mostly male union.

When the three of us women finally filed claims with the Minnesota Department of Human Rights, even though probable cause was found against both the city and the union, it was the union that refused to mediate with the two of us. By that time, we were worn out and we gave up. In my next blog I will talk about filing the claims and mediation. (To be continued in Part 3)

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First Female Of Color Vice President

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After many many years after our first black president back in 2008. We finally have our first female vice president of color in 2020. Think about how many girls of color are going dream of being the president now. I remember when I was young, living out that fantasy of being a female president in a video games. Now I think there is a chance that someday a woman is going to presidents, hopefully in my lifetime. With change there always comes some backlash. When Hilary Clinton was running against Trump in 2016. People where worried that she would blow up the world on her period. Mayo Clinic says, Menopause is the time that marks the end of your menstrual cycles. It’s diagnosed after you’ve gone 12 months without a menstrual period. Menopause can happen in your 40s or 50s, but the average age is 51 in the United States”{2} Hilary was 69 years old during that time, which meant she could no longer had periods. This equals to no Premenstrual syndrome (PMS) and no blowing the world up. Why can’t people admit women make better leaders than men look at the other countries who handle COVID-19 better because they had female leaders . 

Right now we’re living in lift changing history. I am happy to be apart of this and to witness the first female vice president of color. I say this a lot “Monkey say monkey do” Kids are watching all the time and dreaming one day they could be a singer like Selena, a superhero like Wonder Woman or Black Panther. It is all about representation and having dreams that touch the stars.

{1}Herndon, Astead W. “Kamala Harris: Who She Is and What She Stands For.” The New York Times, The New York Times, 10 Sept. 2019, www.nytimes.com/interactive/2020/us/elections/kamala-harris.html.
{2} “Menopause.” Mayo Clinic, Mayo Foundation for Medical Education and Research, 14 Oct. 2020, www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/menopause/symptoms-causes/syc-20353397.