If you have had a class with me, you may have experienced one of my “three things” exercises.  I like the number three.  It has been my “lucky” number since I was a kid.  I don’t really remember how it came to be, but it has stuck with me for many years.  I think it’s a good number.  One and two are too few and four and five are too many.  It’s easy to remember three things.  In keeping with my three things, I want to share with all of you three things that I am doing right now, or trying to do, to help me thrive (okay, maybe just barely survive) this global pandemic and the new reality we find ourselves living through.

Number One: Grace for yourself and others

People respond very differently in crisis. Some people thrive in chaotic and uncertain environments and others cave under the pressure.  It’s easy to be default to judgement and annoyance with others if they behave differently than you want or need them to.  It’s times like that when I need to replace my judgement with grace. The definition of grace is “courteous goodwill.”  I switch my default to assuming that people are doing the best they can right now as it is not my place to judge during difficult moments. By extending people goodwill, I also am able to remove negative energy from myself.

Equally as important is extending grace to yourself.

If you are a highly motivated individual, and you find yourself just staring out of the window and feeling unproductive, allow yourself the space and grace to not achieve and accomplish at the same level pre-crisis.  My new motto is do what you can, when you can.

Number Two: Acknowledge Perspective

Perspective is a function of experience.  The more experience we have, the more capable we are to put this hardship in perspective.  That experience doesn’t necessarily mean in years, just in life.  If someone is devastated by not being able to walk in graduation, and you could care less, both of those views are okay.  When my child is upset because she will miss her dance recital this year, my immediate perspective is that she will have many other dance performances.  But for her, a 15-year-old, who has worked very hard over the last four months to prepare for the recital, this is a big deal.

We need to be able to acknowledge others’ perspectives and share that we understand what it’s like to work hard for something and it doesn’t happen.  We can also share that we are sad to be unable to witness the fruits of out friends and family’s  hard work. We can then just let it be. It is not on us try and change peoples’ perspectives. Instead, we can trust that  this experience will expand all of our world views and we can use our survival to reframe our perspectives when something else hard comes along.

Number Three:  Identify Grief

Grief is an emotion that happens when we lose something or someone.  And everyone in the world right now is experiencing loss of some sort.  We have lost people we love, jobs, freedom, opportunities, dreams, plans, and memories.  The world as we know it is instantaneously different and we were not prepared for the complete change in how we live.  This can make grief overwhelming.

Sometimes we diminish our own grief because we feel someone is suffering more.  Now is not a time for comparative suffering.  Regardless of what each of us feel we have lost; we are allowed to grieve.  Indeed, there is a place for each of us to take inventory of what we are grateful for but it is also acceptable to be very sad and acknowledge what we have lost.  Our culture is very tied to ritual and many of our rituals that serve as endpoints or beginnings are not available to us.  It is okay to sit with this grief.

Life is hard right now; AND, we can do hard things.  Extend grace, acknowledge perspective, and identify your grief.  Be gentle with yourself and others and try to keep these three things in mind.

I wish you all health and healing.

Jennifer B. Jones, Ph.D. is a faculty member in the St. Cloud State Higher Education Administration program.