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This Finnish fantasy horror flick takes Santa Claus, that jolly old man we all love, and flips the sleigh upside down! We’re talking about a Santa who’s not there to check his list but to cause frosty frights. The movie follows young Pietari, a lad who discovers that the mysterious excavation near his village may have unleashed something far more sinister than just presents and ho-ho-hos.
Jalmari Helander, the director, crafts a frosty tale that’s equal parts spooky and hilarious, and it’s more about saving your skin than singing carols. With a unique blend of creepy atmosphere, frosty folklore, and a touch of ho-ho-horror, “Rare Exports” flips our snowy expectations of Santa right on its head!

The cast brings the wintry wonder to life. On top of Pietari’s young shoulders, we’ve got Onni Tommila bringing the frost-bitten heroism. And let’s not forget about Jorma Tommila as Pietari’s father, Juuso, a character who’s not just dealing with the holiday craziness but the icy menace stalking their village.

Now, let’s chill out for a second and appreciate the movie’s unique quirks and pun-tastic moments. From Santa-shaped silhouettes to a frosty interpretation of the North Pole’s big man, “Rare Exports” sleds down the hill of humor with a snowstorm of absurdity. It’s a snow-filled sleigh ride with a pinch of darkness and a dash of cheeky antics.

So, if you’re looking to escape the regular Christmas cheer and dive into a frosty fantasy that’s both fun and freaky, “Rare Exports” might just be the present under the tree you didn’t know you wanted. Bundle up, grab some hot cocoa, and get ready for a wintry whirlwind adventure that’s both chilling and charming!

Who knew Santa could be this cool… and by cool, we mean chilly!

As the last and final post of this wonderful assignment, I want to thank everyone who took the time to read these reviews.  I couldn’t imagine having more fun with an assignment!

To finish this off, you’ll never know where you might find a delicious cinematic treat, so keep searching and always remember to enjoy the show!

Before we dive into our collection of terrible features, I wanted to take some time to discuss how I came to love “B” movies, the impact they had on Hollywood, and how they exist in the present day. 

Impressionable Youth

At this point in my life, I had exposure to some horror films through parental supervision. I had been allowed to see movies such as Gremlins 2 and Arachnophobia. Still, with my newfound unlimited video rental power, I wanted to explore the world of slashers, aliens, and supernatural forces. 

As I perused the shelves, flipping each of those boxes of hard plastic that contained the sleeves for the movies, I came across the face of a horribly burned man with knives on his fingers. My eyes scanned the box and read Nightmare on Elm Street 3: Dream Warriors. With such a great-sounding title, how could I not grab it?

After an hour and a half of watching Freddy Krueger transform into killer TVs, assault teens with giant Q-tips, and, in my opinion, the best Freddy kill ever, slash open a teenager and use their veins to control them as a marionette, I was hooked on Freddy.  

Over the following summer, I rented every film I could find that contained a supernatural killer. I spent that summer laughing at the ridiculous responses that so many of the killer’s victims had. Gasping at how they died and cheering for the protagonist, who happened to stumble across the obscure method of killing the killer. After almost 40 years, the horrors have changed, but those same emotions fill me every time I press play.

Cash Cow

Before the First World War, filmmakers knew that a particular portion of the masses enjoyed a delicious fright. However, in the 70’s and 80’s, Hollywood capitalized on the horror franchise. In just 10 years, we saw 18 films released that starred Jason, Michael, and Freddy. We saw new franchises emerge, such as Critters, Sleepaway Camp, and Wishmaster. Horror was a hit, and everyone was trying to get their cut, pun intended. 

With the 90’s, we did see a continuation of our beloved ghoulish fiends, but production considerably ramped down. Due to burnout, due to a lack of ideas, or just a drop in interest, I can’t say, but the 3 Killers released only 5 films in 10 years. It would appear that ole Freddy had slashed his last teen.

Eventually, we did see some resurgence of interest with the start of the new millennium, but in the last 23 years, we have only seen 3 Killers grace our screen 10 times.

Aster, Peli, Wan

To say that horror has shifted from its slasher-centric focus of the 70’s and 80’s is an understatement. As we know it now, horror is a much more serious business. With the rise of films like Oren Peli’s Paranormal, we have seen a shift towards maximum scare. 

Many advertisements for Paranormal showed the terror on moviegoers’ faces through the lens of night vision cameras. Ari Aster has forever engrained in our memories the sound that someone’s head makes when striking an electric pole in a vehicle at high speeds, thanks to a scene from his film Hereditary. James Wan has succeeded in taking the music of Tiny Tim and making it forever creepy thanks to his film series Insidious. 

Don’t get me wrong, I love each of these series, and they are deserving of every ounce of praise they have received. My gripe is that they have created a space where it is no longer safe to have fun in horror. Yes, we have some classics, such as Drew Goddard’s Cabin in the Woods or Lee Cronin’s Evil Dead Rise, but these gems are few and far between.

Like many things, horror movies have evolved over time. The days of Jason Voorhees in space or Freddy Krueger devouring people as a snake are long gone. However, if there’s one thing these movies have taught us, nothing ever stays dead.