Child Abuse

Talking to My Mother About Child Abuse

Today, I had the opportunity to talk with my mother about child abuse. It was a really eye-opening experience.

I’m one of the lucky ones who grew up very loved by parents in a stable marriage. Mom and Dad have been married since 1978 and are still very much in love. My brother and I, even though we grew up in poverty, had a very good childhood. We never knew the struggles our parents had; they hid a lot from us to protect us, which now as an adult, I greatly appreciate. I’m able to have conversations with my parents, like the one I had today, as an adult when I can fully understand what is going on.

My conversation with my mother went all over the place, but it was really good!

We talked about what child abuse looked like when she was growing up, what it looked like when she was raising my brother and me, and what it looks like today.

We talked about children’s idea of child abuse and that sometimes the term is just thrown out there by children and doesn’t mean to them what it means to adults.

We talked about mandated reporting and the struggles with that.

We talked about foster care and adoption and how all a kid is to be wanted and loved.

She told me plenty of stories about us kids when we were little and that at least time while we were growing up, she was accused of abusing us.

  • One time was when she took my brother to the dentist. He had a little bit of decay on a loose baby tooth and the dentist said he’d report my parents to Child Protective Services if she didn’t fill the cavity. She explained that the tooth was loose, and it was a waste of money to fill it when it was bound to fall out soon. He disagreed. She never went back to that dentist.
  • The second time was when we were in Walmart and I was being my standard stubborn self. That’s an interesting story that I’ll just let you listen to her tell!

She also told me about some government assistance programs available for single mothers to help them get back on their feet. I think some of these programs are really great, especially because to stay on them, the mothers must attend classes each month. Those classes give the mothers the tools to be successful with raising their children, maintaining a job, and more. I think we need more educational programs like this.

If you’re interested in helping the child abuse situation, I encourage you to consider being a foster family. If this is too big of a step for you, you can still help end child abuse by talking about with friends and family and calling your local Child Protective Services office and asking how you can help!

Thank you for reading this post and I highly encourage you listen to our podcasts! All of them can be found here.

Posted on by Mary Gondringer | Leave a comment

Child Abuse Resources

Child Abuse Resources

With all this talk about the ISSUE of child abuse and child maltreatment, where are all the resources? This post is specifically focused on resources to prevent of child abuse and support those that have experienced child abuse trauma. I have also included a podcast in this post where I highlighted a few resources that I felt did a great job presenting information, training, and immediate aid for those who are currently experiencing child abuse or are a survivor of child abuse. My hope is that these resources will be helpful and provide aid to those who are in need.

 

CHILD USA is a 501(c)(3) nonprofit think tank that conducts evidence-based legal, medical, and social science research to identify laws and policies affecting child protection. With these facts, CHILD USA shines a light on the better pathways to truly protect kids from abuse and prevent neglect. Children’s Healthcare is a Legal Duty. Sexual abuse and the maltreatment of children have an all too frequent impact on Children’s health. These acts often occur in secret, behind closed doors, but have public consequences.  Victims, their families, and the public pay a high price even decades after the violence ends.  CHILD USA is a child abuse nonprofit that cuts through the shame and the secrecy to gather and analyze the data behind abuse and neglect.

 

Darkness to Light is a leader in child sexual abuse prevention and uses the power of behavior change to protect children. Darkness to Light utilizes a Social Behavior Change framework to guide our work in preventing child sexual abuse. Social Behavior Change is a proven approach for enabling changes at individual, community, and societal levels to improve health and overall well-being. You can check out their blog here: https://www.d2l.org/blog/

 

The mission of Stop the Silence: Stop Child Sexual Abuse is to expose and stop child sexual abuse and help survivors heal worldwide. Our overarching goals are to:

  1. Promote healing of victims and survivors
  2. Celebrate the lives of those healed; and
  3. Underscore child sexual abuse as a social justice and civil rights issue.

They work to address the relationships between child sexual abuse and the broader issues of overall family and community violence, and violence within and between communities.

Their focus underlines the importance of a shift in focus on positive development within our social complexes (e.g., the relationships between men, women, adults and children, cultural groups) to support peaceful – and to hinder violence-prone – relationships.

 

The purpose of NAASCA, to address issues related to childhood abuse and trauma including sexual assault, violent or physical abuse, emotional traumas and neglect .. and they do so with only two goals:

1) educating the public, especially as related to helping society get over its taboo of discussing childhood sexual abuse (CSA), presenting facts showing child abuse to be a pandemic, worldwide problem that affects everyone

2) offering hope and healing through numerous paths, providing many services to adult survivors of child abuse and information for anyone interested in the many issues involving prevention, intervention and recovery

 

**PLEASE ENJOY OUR PODCAST**

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A Child’s Perspective of Child Abuse

A Child’s Perspective of Child Abuse

Many adults are uncomfortable about talking with children about child abuse or who, unfortunately, may be victims themselves. It’s important to use language appropriate for communicating effectively with children about this sensitive subject. Our aim must be to answer children’s questions in a way that they can understand without frightening or confusing them.

                   Photo Credit: Google Images

We can’t assume that a child will behave or react in any particular way. Every situation that involves child abuse is different, and every child responds differently. Simply being an available, responsible adult may provide the support a child needs. Establishing or maintaining a sense of normalcy or routine may help to reassure a child and start the healing process.

I kept all of this in mind when interviewing my 11 year old son. I truly valued our conversation because it allowed me the opportunity to hear from a child and understand his thoughts on child abuse. When you list to our podcast, you can hear that he has some strong thoughts about some aspects of child abuse, but then there are other areas where he doesn’t quite know what the solution would be – all he knows is that child abuse is wrong. Please take a moment and listen to our conversation, and take a peek into a young mind – see how he processes the conversation and how engaged he really is.

 

 

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Is the System Broken?

While I’ve been a teacher, I’ve had to report multiple students and situations to the authorities. In this blog post, I will be sharing two of these situations.

Read on to find out what it’s really like to file a report.

Jackie

My first incident happened during my first-year teaching. I was a one-year long term substitute, so the students knew I wouldn’t be returning the next school year. A lot of them were sad and tried to convince me to stay. They were young, so they didn’t understand that I couldn’t.

It happened during May.

I was on the far east side of Wisconsin attending my cousin’s wedding when I received this Instagram message from, Jackie (name changed for privacy), one of my students. It’s hard to read.

It is true that she had tried to contact me multiple times via my personal social media, and I had always ignored her messages. Up until this point, her messages had really only consisted of saying how much she was going to miss me the next year and begging me to stick around.

After reading the message, I immediately tried to call the local police department, but I didn’t have enough cell phone service to make the phone call. I tried multiple times and the call kept failing. It was Saturday and I did not have phone numbers of anyone at my school so I couldn’t text anyone.

So, I did the next best thing. I took screenshots of the message and emailed them to the school counselor. In the email, I explained my situation and requested that she call the police.

I left it at that and hoped I’d see Jackie on Monday in my classroom.

I walked into the lion’s den when I got back to work on Monday.

The counselor brought me into her office and said my actions over the weekend were uncalled for. She said I should have never raised that alarm because this girl had a history of crying wolf and all I did was make myself look bad by “overreacting.” She said forwarded the message to the police (I’m not sure if she emailed it or if she called them) and they went to do a welfare check on the girl, but she was fine.

The principal brought me into his office and said I didn’t deal with the situation correctly. He said there was no reason to email the counselor because she couldn’t do anything about the situation and that I should have called the police department. I explained that I didn’t have enough service to make the call. He didn’t believe me and said I could have been responsible for a student’s suicide.

The school resource officer said I wasted everyone’s time by raising the red flag. He said she likes to cry wolf and there was no reason for me to forward the request. He said I wasted the police department’s time because they legally had to check out the situation and when they arrived at her house, everything was fine.

Basically, I had caused a lot of trouble for a lot of people because I went through the steps to report a concern about a child.

That was the day I learned the system is broken. There is no reason all of those people should have been mad at me for responding the way I did when I received that message. We should have worked together to make sure Jackie was safe. There should have been no hard feelings or anger toward me.

I would have considered the situation child abuse had I NOT raised the red flag.

Today, Jackie is a happy and healthy adult. We communicate every once and awhile on social media. She’s recently engaged to a wonderful and kind man and I truly think she is going to lead a very successful life!

Kristin

My second story is another story of a broken system.

This time, the abuse was talked about in my classroom.

Kristin (name changed for privacy), an 8th grader, stayed after class one day to talk to me. She apologized for being so behind in my class and said it was because she’s very busy at home. Naturally, I asked why she was so busy. It was alarming that an 8th grader was genuinely too busy to get her homework finished.

Kristin explained that when she gets home, she had to begin preparing supper for her family. She lived with her dad, her dad’s girlfriend, and her five other siblings.

She said, beyond this, she had to watch the kids, and do all the house work. She cleaned, cooked, did everyone’s laundry, and more.

I was shocked to hear a thirteen-year-old girl was taking care of the house like she was, so I asked why she did all of that.

She said her dad forced her to and if she didn’t, she didn’t get to eat supper that night.

I asked about the girlfriend, and if she helped in any way. She said the girlfriend was basically her “monitor” and if she didn’t get something done, or if she didn’t do it well, or if she snuck food while she was cooking, or basically if she did anything “wrong,” the girlfriend would tell the father and Kristin would go hungry that night. Beyond this, the girlfriend told Kristin that the purpose in her dating her father was most definitely not to keep his house clean OR to be a mother to his kids.

Yikes!

Kristin continued on, telling me more horrible things. The more she told me, the more I knew she was being abused.

As a mandated reporter, I am expected to report situations like this. I reported Kristin’s situation to the country Child Protective Services.

Shortly thereafter, the school received information from the county that basically said there was no reason for the complaint, and that there is nothing out of the ordinary going on in Kristin’s home.

That same day, Kristin came into my class, visibly angry. She stayed after class again, but this time, we didn’t have a conversation.

Kristin simply looked at me and said, “You remember all that stuff I told you? It was all a lie. My dad’s girlfriend does all the work around the house. I don’t do any of it. I eat supper every night. Stay away from my family.” And she turned and stormed out.

I’m not sure what happened to Kristin after I made that report and what caused her to come and tell me everything was a lie, but I do know that it must have been something that added to the abuse. I suspect she was told to cover up what she had told me, or even to make it go away. I presume she was somehow threatened. Situations like hers really hurt, because I know I can’t do anything to make it better.

Kristin’s situation makes me realize again that the system is broken. Kids that need help cannot get it because they’re forced to lie or they’re threatened, or whatever. It’s so very sad and it hurts my heart knowing I can’t do anything to help in these situations.

I don’t know where Kristin is today. I lost track of her when I left that school. I sincerely hope she’s doing well!

Is the system truly broken? Or have I just had a bout of bad experiences trying to help these students?

Posted on by Mary Gondringer | Leave a comment

Home Alone and Child Abuse

Recently, I watched Home Alone with my students.

I’ve always loved this Christmas classic. I’ve watched it every year since I can remember. It wasn’t until I was watching it with my students that I realized the real problem with this movie.

My students laughed at the treatment Kevin received.

They laughed.

They laughed at him after his mother grabbed his wrist and asked, “What is the matter with you?” after he got in a fight with his older brother, Buzz, and accidentally spilled some milk.

They laughed when his dad (or uncle maybe?) yelled, “Look what you did you little jerk.”

They laughed with his siblings and cousins joined in. “Kevin, you’re such a disease.” “Phlegm wad.” “Idiot.”

Poor Kevin even asked his mother, “Why do I always get treated like skunk?” Her reply? “There are fifteen people in this house and you’re the only one that has to make trouble.”

Kevin replies, “I’m the only one getting dumped on.”

His mother responds, “You’re the only one acting up.” She then forces him up to the third floor of their house when Kevin is clearly scared to venture up there.

As Kevin walked up the stairs, he stopped to look at his mother and say, “Everyone in this family hates me.”

At that point, she could have done the motherly thing and reassured him. She could have told him that his comment wasn’t true, that she loves him, that his father loves him. Instead, she told him that maybe he should ask Santa for a new family.

Of course, the verbal abuse isn’t the worst part. They left him home alone when they went on a trip to Paris!

The entire premise of the movie is based on child abuse – neglect.

And the whole time, my students were rolling in laughter.

That led me to wonder if movies like this have made child abuse normalized in a way. Do people think this is the proper way to treat children? Why do we use children’s misfortune as a source of laughter and comedic relief? Now, I know Macaulay Culkin (the actor that plays Kevin) was not actually being abused or neglected, that he was simply portraying a character, but I still maintain my point. Using children’s misfortune as comedic relief is absolutely asinine.

This inspired me to create this video about Hollywood’s use of child abuse in their movies. Some of the examples might shock you. Check it out and let us know how you feel about using child abuse in movies!

Posted on by Mary Gondringer | Leave a comment

Survivor Stories: Leah T. (name changed for privacy)

“STEALING”

Minnesota State SVG Cut File - Snap Click Supply Co.

Photo Credit: Google Images

We are eating boiled macaroni noodles with hamburger and mushy, stewed tomatoes. It’s all mixed in together. I don’t like tomatoes, so I push them around and wedge them against the edge of my plate. I hunt for the macaroni first. And the hamburger after that. This is rather an ill thought out plan because, in this house, we must always clean our plate. So, despite my dislike of tomatoes, I will still have to eat them. And now without the macaroni or hamburger to help cover their yuck. I decide I am going to swallow large gulps of milk after I spoon in the tomatoes. Maybe that will help.

My cousin is here. He lives on a farm just up the road. He is standing in the kitchen. Over by the countertops. Next to the microwave. He is waiting there while we finish. My dad asked him if he would like to sit down and join us, but he said no because he already ate. I am not sure why he is here. Maybe to help my dad. Or to do something with my older brother.

There is a basket next to the microwave on the counter. It’s filled with “junk.” The junk is mostly stuff that comes from people’s pockets, like pennies and match books and Chapstick tubes and pieces of string. My cousin is mindlessly digging in the basket as he is standing there. I can hear the coins clinking against one another as he thumbs through them. In that moment, I don’t know why I say it. But I do. I think it’s because I am six years old and trying to be funny. I don’t mean any harm. But I say it. “Whatcha doin’ over there? Stealin’?”

Are you ready? Here it comes.

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What Is Physical Abuse?

Photo Credit: Google Images

A hot flash of light. At the corner of my eye. My dad yells. “LEAH*!!” Loudly. In his terrible, scary voice. In that same flash of light. It strikes. The lightning. He clobbers me. With his big hand. Across my head. Dizzy. The mean voice. “Don’t you ever say that again!” At the table. Stillness. Silence. Everyone looks down. Staring. At their plates. Paralyzed. Afraid. Me. Shaking. With terror. I stammer out the words. “I’m sorry.” He is looking at me. With those cold, hard eyes. In that crossed over place. That land of monsters and darkness and terrible screams and falling through the black sky forever and ever. A burning hot lump. Swelling. Inside my throat. Choking me. Hot tears. Clouding my eyes. The fear. The strongest. Always the strongest! Knocking my heart around. In my chest. Throwing it. With brute force. Against my ribs. Against my sternum.

My mind. Reeling. Is it over? Is it over? Please, let it be over. Is another blow coming? To knock me out of my chair? To let loose my bladder? To take away my breath? To steal all the light from the room?

Is it over?

BLACK.

I don’t remember what happens after that. It’s all fuzzy. In my mind. Like it is for many of these instances.

But I ask myself…

How did we move on in this moment? And the many moments like it? Did we choke down our food in silence and clear our plates? Did we resume conversation and pretend like nothing happened? Did we quietly disappear when our dad turned his head? How did we steal away from the fear? And the pain? Did we hide in the corner and cover our heads? Did we leave our bodies? And float into space? Did we grow wings and take flight? Did we dig a hole and burrow into the ground? Did we sneak off in the night and get lost in the darkness? Did we scream at the sky until our lungs burned red with fire? Did we walk off toward the horizon? Did we run? And run? And run? And run and run?

Yes.

We did.

*Name changed for privacy*

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Survivor Stories: Nicole B. (name changed for privacy)

“Survivors, find your happiness!”

It’s difficult to put my twelve years of sexual, physical, emotional, and neglectful abuse as a child into words that would fit into a story here. As a child, the abuse was a constant. My stepfather started sexually attacking me at age 5, the night of my mom’s bridal shower. His attacks were always as hurtful as possible. He enjoyed the fear in my young eyes.

Reasons My Kid Is Crying - Home | Facebook
(Photo Credit: Google Images)

He loved to find a reason to beat me so that he could see that fear. For twelve years he controlled everything in my life. My mother chose to ignore the brutal physical attacks; the bruises & bleeding. She allowed him to take me on their dates at around age 12. My mother walked in on us, me in his bed naked at age 9; but I was the one who got punished and sent to my room for the night.

Mom completely neglected my care. There were never any hugs of tenderness or encouragement. She never bought me a tooth brush, took me to a dentist, or cared about any other need of mine. At age 13 I chose to stop bathing because he loved to trap me, it didn’t matter who was around. He was a very sadistic monster and my mother turned her head. The entire town knew who my parents were and they knew if I sneezed, but everyone ignored the filth on my skin, the decay in my mouth, and the monster who was my stepfather.

There was never anyone to talk to or a safe place to run.

This was during the 1970’s; society was starting to take notice, but no one would challenge the monster I lived with. Every day I held my breath and worried about when he would attack. One night I tried to prevent the molestation by putting on my brother’s flannel pajamas – I was beaten and thrown around the house for two hours.

Since there was never anyone who even questioned my well being or tried to protect me; I became trained to accept violent behavior. It led me through a path of over 20 years in brutal domestic violence. One relationship after another was just someone else to beat on me. The last beating I accepted caused permanent injury which has left me disabled.

It was after that beating at 37 when I made the decision that no love was worth this type of abuse. My children and I would be safe and I did it on my own. Finally, my life changed; when I made the motions to change it and stop the abuse against me.

It’s been 10 years since I’ve been safe and I’ve chosen to share my story with others. Anyone who survives these crimes should be so proud of themselves and appreciate their strength. Look at what we have gone through, is there really anything in life that could destroy who we are? They might try and they might leave their mark, but they cannot destroy what is created inside of us. You can thrive in your world and believe that there is happiness after abuse – I am living proof!!!

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May all survivors find their courage to SPEAK OUT about their pain and tell their story so others will learn. Find your happiness in life, it is there!!!!

Speak Out Now! - Spectrum For Living

Photo Credit: Google Images

Posted on by Tameya Robinson | Leave a comment

Child Abuse Statistics & Facts

Scope of the Child Abuse Issue

Children are suffering from a hidden epidemic of child abuse and neglect. It’s a widespread war against our children that we have the power to stop, and understanding the issue is the first step. Just how bad is the issue of child abuse in the United States?

Every year more than 3.6 million referrals are made to child protection agencies involving more than 6.6 million children (a referral can include multiple children).

The United States has one of the worst records among industrialized nations – losing on average between four and seven children every day to child abuse and neglect. 1, 2

A report of child abuse is made every ten seconds.

Yearly, referrals to state child protective services involve 6.6 million children, and around 3.2 million of those children are subject to an investigated report.2

In 2014 alone, state agencies found over 702,000 victims of child maltreatment,2 but that only tells part of the story.
This would pack 10 modern football stadiums

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Health Impacts of Child Abuse

The U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention links adverse childhood experiences (which include other household dysfunctions along with abuse and neglect) with a range of long-term health impacts. 4

Individuals who reported six or more adverse childhood experiences had an average life expectancy two decades shorter than those who reported none. 5

Ischemic heart disease (IHD), Chronic obstructive pulmonary disease (COPD), liver disease and other health-related quality of life issues are tied to child abuse.

Mental Health Disorders, Addictions, & Related Issues
  • Risk for intimate partner violence
  • Alcoholism and alcohol abuse
  • Illicit drug abuse
  • Smoking & drinking at an early age
  • Depression
  • Suicide attempts
Sexual & Reproductive Health Issues and Risk Factors
  • Multiple sexual partners
  • Sexually transmitted diseases
  • Unintended pregnancies
  • Early initiation of sexual activity
  • Adolescent pregnancy and Fetal death

In one study, 80% of 21-year-olds who reported childhood abuse met the criteria for at least one psychological disorder. 6

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Financial Impacts of Child Abuse

The long-term financial impact of abuse and neglect is staggering.

For new cases in 2008 alone, lifetime estimates of lost worker productivity, health care costs, special education costs, child welfare expenditures and criminal justice expenditures added up to $124 billion.8

This could send 1.7 million children to college!

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Child Abuse Fatalities

We must learn to recognize early signs of abuse in order to help save the 5 children that die every day from child abuse and neglect.

In 2014, state agencies identified an estimated 1,580 children who died as a result of abuse and neglect — between four and five children a day.2 However, studies also indicate significant undercounting of child maltreatment fatalities by some state agencies by 50% or more.10

That’s roughly ¼ of your child’s elementary school class!
               

More than 70% of the children who died as a result of child abuse or neglect were two years of age or younger. More than 80% were not yet old enough for kindergarten.3

Around 80% of child maltreatment fatalities involve at least one parent as perpetrator. 3

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Behavioral Health and Crime Related to Child Abuse

Substance Abuse and child maltreatment are tragically and undeniably linked.

In a study of 513 children exposed to drugs in-utero, rates of abuse were two to three times that of other children in the same geographical area. 9

  
As many as two-thirds of the people in treatment for drug abuse reported being abused or neglected as children. 11

 

 

 

 

14% of all men in prison and 36% of women in prison in the USA were abused as children, which is about twice the frequency seen in the general population.12

Children who experience child abuse & neglect are about 9 times more likely to become involved in criminal activity. 12

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RESOURCES

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Now He’s Dating the Class Valedictorian

I was teaching sophomore English in a low-income school. For some reason, I have a tendency to attract the kids who’ve gone through trauma. I don’t know what it is about me, but kids tell me things, things that hurt my heart and make me go home and cry for them because I can’t help them.

This particular student, Jackson (name changed for privacy), was in my sophomore English class and my advisory, so we chatted often. One day, he made a comment about how he didn’t have wireless Internet at home, and I replied, “No?” Simple question that yielded a lot more information than I anticipated.

Side note: The school was 1-to-1, where each student was issued a Chromebook to take home. Unfortunately, Chromebooks don’t work all that well without wireless Internet. So, regardless of the fact that students had their own devices, I still did not assign homework because of the story Jackson told me…

He replied, “Ms. Gondringer. I’m lucky to have a roof over my head.” I must have made a surprised face because he continued with roughly the following story:

Between his 4th and 8th grade school years, he considered himself “homeless” with his older sister. They lost their mother when Jackson was really young (I think a year or two old) and Dad was left to raise the kids. I’m not clear on what happened between the time his mom died and when he became homeless in 4th grade. Jackson we wasn’t legally homeless because he and his sister still lived with their dad. But…

Dad didn’t trust the kids with a key to the house. Dad was also an alcoholic. Dad spent pretty much all his time at the bar. He’d go to work and then walk uptown to the local bar. He’d stay there until who knows when. He’d stumble home, sometimes not even making it to his home, and pass out in a ditch somewhere. All the while, the kids were sleeping in the truck in the yard, because remember, Dad didn’t trust them with a key to the house. Jackson talked about stashing blankets under the truck seats or in their school lockers so when the dead of winter hit, he and his sister could snuggle in close and share body heat under the blankets they had. Sometimes they’d get lucky and head into the house in the middle of the night, after Dad got home. He usually didn’t relock the door. They could go in, grab food, clothes, take a shower, and head off to school the next day. This went on for four years.

Eventually, and again, details are fuzzy here, but eventually, Jackson’s aunt found out what was happening and rescued the two kids. That was when Jackson was an 8th grader. He was still living with his aunt when he was a sophomore and in my class.

Two years later, Jackson graduated high school with honors. He was part of the National Honor Society and was one of the highest-ranking individuals in his graduating class. This picture is of Jackson from his graduation day, visiting his mother’s grave. (All personal details have been blocked out to protect privacy.) In the picture, you can see his NHS collar as well has the red cord, the school’s symbol for honors.

He’s also now dating the Valedictorian from the class that graduated two years behind him. He’s done really well for himself, despite his rocky upbringing. He’s proof that people can and do get out of terrible situations!

This story still hurts just as bad as the day Jackson told me about it. The fact that a parent can be that reckless and neglect their children like that sickens me. Something has to be done about people like this. There’s no reason for abuse like this to happen.

Thank you so much for reading! Stories like this need to be told.

Posted on by Mary Gondringer | Leave a comment

The Battlefield of Our House

My father was a nice man, and you could tell that he loved his family. Even though he wasn’t mean all the time, he had an extremely bad temper mixed with severe anger problems. As a child, I never really knew how my actions would make him react and I often walked on eggshells. His anger and rage were often like a minefield and I never knew when he was going to explode, so I spent a significant amount of time in my bedroom with the door locked. (Picture Credit: Google – Memegenerator.net)

I can recall one specific time when I had gone swimming with a friend of mine, and I don’t think I told him where I was going. This was before parents sent their children with phones, so he didn’t have any way to get in contact with me. When my friend’s mom brought me home, I remember my mom was so relieved to see me, because she was so worried. My dad, on the other hand, was beyond pissed and you could tell because he was redder than red. He yelled at me and told me to go to my room, so I did as he demanded. Now I understand that he was angry and was probably worried, but I didn’t fully understand how upset he was until he came into my room.

All I can remember was him yelling at me, telling me how stupid I was, and reminding me how lucky I was that I was a girl otherwise he would’ve beat me like I was a boy. I was crying hysterically when suddenly he punched me in my face. He hit me so hard that I fell backwards and hit the back of my head on my dresser. I remember screaming for my mom and she came rushing in the room, to my aid. My dad just left the room unmoved by what he had done. Later we discovered that I had a huge bruise/scar on my face, and I was bleeding from this huge cut on my head.

This was only one of many instances where my father was physically abusive, and he was also extremely verbally abusive. I vowed that when I became a parent, I would NEVER put my child(ren) through such demeaning and inhumane treatment. While these experiences were traumatic at the time, I’ve been able to grow beyond it and I’ve become a more compassionate and loving parent because of it. Now that I’m a parent, I refuse to sit back and let any type of abuse happen to my son, my future children, or any other child – regardless if they’re my child or not.

Posted on by Tameya Robinson | Leave a comment