I have always been involved in music in some way, and always have known it would be a part of my life. Through church, school, music listening, and individual musicianship, music is ingrained in every aspect of my daily life. Music as a career seemed almost toO obvious of a choice. I am interested in many other things, and would have been content in almost any educational area. Thus, I gave many other areas considerable thought.
Any other career would have felt okay, but not perfectly right. The fact that I kept musing about music was telling to me (and others). Even my mom, who is very settled in the STEM field and encouraged all of us kids to get an education, told me that my delusions about other careers having a life-long appeal would wear off as soon as I started college. With that in mind, and considerable thought about what my life would look like without music, I knew that I could not let music fall to the wayside in any way.
Even though I had some doubts about making a career out of my musical interest, I have always seen myself as a teacher. Whether that was an elementary teacher, an English teacher, or a music teacher, I knew that I had a desire to teach. The combination of my teaching wishes and my musical wishes combined until I could not look away from the music education path. Try as I ignore it, I cannot.
I even tried to convince myself that there were already too many music teachers in my family. I felt that I had to pave my own path. However, I already have just by existing as myself. Just because I share a main interest with older siblings and parents does not mean we cannot exist as separate individuals. That was one of my delusions about why I could not teach music.
To aid to my slowly strengthening music teaching aspirations, I was able to lead a youth choir, putting together programs, finding music, and working with the choir to make a joyful noise. This positive experience told me that, “Yes, you can teach music.”
I then started to take piano lessons again, filled with imposter syndrome about how many other students were more advanced and better suited to the musical role. In addition to fellow students being good musicians, I have been surrounded by older, talented musicians in my work with choir projects. I have to remind myself that those 40-somethings and 20-somethings have one thing I can’t possibly have, which is extra years of practice. I had to be reminded myself noT to compare my musicianship with professionals and adults and family members who I have so much to learn from. Even thinking of the last year, I am able to do so many things musically easily that I struggled with a year or two ago.
After realizing this imposter syndrome was rather delusional, as well as being reinforced by those same people I look up to, I finally decided I could not ignore the call of music education. I subscribed to the idea with some ideas of “band-eur”, though I had been forewarned about the trials of music study. I knew it would be a lot of work, but a lot of reward for every minute spent. Thus, the call of music teaching, though somewhat pushed away, was finally answered. I hope it serves me well.
