In my school’s music programs, I stood out as an oboe player and pianist. Though I never tried out for solos in choir, I stood out as a student accompanist, which was not something other students did. My freshman year, I was in the Wind Ensemble, which was auditioned and made up of 10th-12th graders. I also was in the M8 honor band that year, and stood out in the band program as a result. Additionally, I was the 4th of my family to be in the band, and everyone knew the talents of my elder siblings (French horn, flute, and trumpet players), naturally assuming I possessed the same.
I was quieter throughout high school, but always stood out because of my efforts in music and school. I was the top of the class throughout high school (until PSEO) and often was reached out to for help with homework and projects. I was also tasked with being a fill-in percussionist and music tutor for many fellow students. I often got comments from people outside of the music department asking what school I was going to, what I was going to study, etc. Being in Mock Trial, I often got asked if I was considering law. I was not. I never considered anything besides music and I never considered attending a prestigious school, regardless of my academic success.
During my senior year, I significantly relaxed about my grades. I also stopped really going to high school and thus no one cared about me anymore. It was a relief. I don’t know what was in the water in 10th and 11th grade, but those AP classes got competitive; even if I kept my mouth shut, there were a few people determined to take my spot at the top of the class and beat my scores in the ACT and AP exams. Perhaps we were all a little melodramatic, as I see none of that matters now. Since most of my classes are now in my field of interest, I feel less pressure to show anyone up. I can just enjoy the classes and their content because I am mostly secure in my musical experience and joys.
My musical identity was always one of quiet assuredness, regardless of my inner self doubts. No one ever doubted me and thus were a little surprised when I picked SCSU, which is not known for its’ music program. However, I don’t think I would thrive in a competitive music program. Thus far, I have been pleased, especially with individual lessons. My musical role feels much more individual now than ever before.
My roles have shifted outside of school as well. Now, I am found accompanying, leading section practices and full group rehearsals, and putting together programs for my church choir. I also have been participating in a small group instrumental chamber music CD, which has been rewarding to say the least. I also have been teaching piano, which is its own musical role. Am I the best at any of those things? Not really; there are always more qualified (and older) people! Regardless, I have many mentors who have their own musical role to me.
