I imagine that making changes to mental load will be slow and intentional. The change will only be possible by opening up to hetero partners and explaining to them exactly what it is. It is pretty hard to fix a problem if you don’t know it exists. Sharing concrete examples of mental load will identify the problem: having to make the grocery list even though you’re not doing the shopping, having to remember to make appointments you are not going to, having to remember dates and birthdates of family members, and having to make sure kids in school have their needs met.

A goal will be sharing the production manager tasks as much as the chore. Doing the chore is not enough. Having the initiative to complete a chore without direction and information would be a success. Another goal would be to express that carrying the mental load is not just about having to do all the worrying. If the partner took more initiative, there would not be a need for worrying because ultimately the task or chore has to be done. It is a matter of how that chore or task is taken on and accomplished.

Measuring the success of taking on mental load will involve continuing to talk about it and a little bit of giving up control. Talking about what is working and what could improve would keep the lines of communication open. Giving up control and trusting that the partner is doing the job to an acceptable standard is difficult but it will lighten the mental load.

I am definitely a victim of mental load and I could really benefit from following some of my own advice in the paragraphs above.